I'm Thirsty

Oct. 25, 2005

Drinking water is good, but not when it tastes like soap. This is what I've been experiencing over the past few days whenever I pour myself a glass of water at home. What is going on? My boyfriend and his undiscerning palette notice nothing. He doesn't drink much water anyways.

I'm thirsty.

Where's The Love?

Sept. 13th, 2005

While unlocking my bike in the morning I realize something's amiss. Someone has stolen my bicycle pedals. They weren't even nice pedals, why steal them? Just to prove that you can? I stand for a moment stunned. I begin to frantically search my pockets for change. Gotta get to work, can't be late. I am changeless. I am going to be late. I run inside to see if there is some change lying in the crevices of our couch where it often falls from my boyfriend's pockets. Nothing. I call work to say I'll be late. My manager is unimpressed. Feeling defeated I walk to the store and buy a muffin. I get some change and hop on a bus. Why can't the goddamn buses in Vancouver give change? I'm about ten minutes late for work and am punished with cleaning the staff kitchen. The next day I get up early and walk to work. The following day I opt for the bus. I wait at the bus stop as four buses go by in the opposite direction. The transit system is a farce. By the time the bus comes I am again running late. I arrive at work just over a minute late. My manager is by the door looking at her watch as I walk in, again I'm told to clean the kitchen. I'm also told that I will be cleaning the kitchen every day for the next week since I have now been late twice.

Bad Directions

September 6th, 2004, Brösarp, Sweden

Problem#1: I take a bus to Tomelilla where I'm supposed to catch the 8:15 train to Malmö Persborg. I find out that there are no trains leaving Tomelilla that day.

#2: I get on a bus to go to another town where hopefully the trains will be running and the bus driver argues with me telling me to get off (he thinks I should be on a different bus but I don't think I have time to wait). He agrees to let me on only after another passenger defends my route choice.

#3: When I finally reach a functional train station I ask where to catch the train to Malmö Persborg. No-one has heard of "Persborg". I get on a train to Malmö and get off at central station.

#4: At the train station in Malmö I go to a ticket booth to try and get a ticket to Sturup airport. When I finally reach the front of the line I walk over to a ticket agent only to be SHOVED out of the way by a man speaking frantic swedish. The person working sees this and does absolutely nothing.

However, somehow, I make it to the airport in time to catch my flight.

Our Last Gig

May 1st, 2004

The Dept. (my boyfriend Tyler's band, in which I play) is booked to perform at the Charles H. Scott Gallery in Vancouver during a book launch. We are doing our sound check when Tyler notices that his guitar suddenly isn't working. He checks all of the connections and can't figure out what the problem is other than that his guitar has decided to die a very sudden death right before our gig. He only owns the one guitar. When he asks for a little extra time to figure something out he's told that we actually need to start EARLIER than we had previously been told. We have no choice but to play with no guitar. We drastically reduce our set to songs that can be done with only keyboards, bass and drums. The chalk board to our right reads "The Department (w/o guitar)". The guitar is irreparable. We haven't played since.

Five Dollars Is A Lot When You're An Art Student

November 2nd, 2001

I am working at school and have a rare craving for red pepper hummus. I go to the market and buy a $5 tub with some bread and return to school only to find out that there is going to be an art opening in the concourse in an hour. What do I see being put out on the snack table? RED PEPPER HUMMUS!!

Damn (#2)

June 12th, 2001

I get a flat tire again and, yes, must walk 28 or so blocks home AGAIN. (No, I didn't own a bike pump, a matter I have since remedied.)

Damn

June 10th, 2001

I get a flat tire during a city wide transit strike and am forced to walk 28 blocks home.

As If Getting Sick Isn't Bad Enough

May 23rd, 2001

My (ex)boyfriend and I are visiting a friend and spend the night. I wake up in the early morning feeling very nauseous. I go upstairs to the washroom, I don't throw up but I somehow get LOCKED IN. I'm in there for at least half an hour before my ex comes to check on me and manages to get the door open. It's about 6:30am. We go back down to the basement where I am once more overcome by nausea. This time I just go out into the yard and throw up in the bushes (sorry Jeff).

They Were My Favorite Glasses

April 14th, 2001

I wipe out on my bike trying to get to a friend's wedding reception. My head breaks my fall.
Cost of wipe out: helmet $40 + glasses $200 = $240
The bike, which was free, was unharmed.
HOWEVER, that evening I end up winning a Sun Ra record while playing bingo.
Does it make up for the fall? Kinda.

All I Wanted Was Some Chocolate

February 15th, 2001

When my computer at school freezes I decide to take a break and go down to the cafeteria to use the change machine and get a snack. The change machine is broken. I return to the computer lab snackless only to discover that my bottle of water has leaked all over the floor.

My computer freezes six more times throughout the day.